Thinking of taking a gap year or a sabbatical? Over the next few weeks we’ll be talking to Dr. Max Tookey about gapping at every stage of life – our resident psychologist sharing his insights on the positive gains you can make from gapping, whether you’re taking a career break, putting university on hold or going round the world as a couple. And just to prove there’s more to gapping than exotic locations he’ll be looking at what you can really expect to get out of your time on the road.
Our first post is geared to couples, but as Dr. Tookey explains, the couple who travels together doesn’t always stay together. “Travel is a real learning curve for any relationship. You’ll both be out of your comfort zone, unfamiliar situations placing even the most solid of relationships on the line – a new language, culture and destination heightening problems which may have seemed superficial on the surface back home. When you only each have other for company, how you have learnt to deal with situations before the trip will either be a hindrance or a help, so it’s wise to sit down together and consider likely gap hazards.”
Helpful pointers for couples:
* Have you been travelling for long periods together before? A gap year may look like the ultimate adventure and a chance to bring you closer, but if you’ve only ever done the usual two week stint you need to be prepared. You may also find booking a group tour at the start of your adventure is a good way to take the pressure off so consider ways of breaking up the year long jaunt.
* There is some truth in the fact that opposites attract and when you’re planning the trip it’s important to think about where your individual interests lie. A gap year is a once in a lifetime experience and while you may want to hit the beach and kick back with a book, your other half may be eager to explore and go off diving or hiking etc. If you’ve already worked this out beforehand it will be a seamless diversion from “coupledom” and a chance to spend some healthy time apart.
* Develop your itinerary together and compromise. This way both of you will always feel you have something to look forward to. Maybe it’s a mix of camping and glamping or off the beaten track haunts and buzzing city backdrops. While the balance of leadership differs between all couples, you should both be clear about what you both want from the outset. This will set you on the right path and play a positive part in your decision making on the trip.
* Hook up with friends and family along the way – You might have connected online with other gappers who are heading in your direction or decide to meet family and friends en route. Spending time with people who you have bonded with either on a short weekend break in the city or small group trip will really add to the experience and allow you the opportunity to take stock of your travels to date.
* Arguments happen so learn to forgive each other and know that the dream trip isn’t over if things don’t go to plan. It may sound like a simple mantra, but when planning a gap year for several months we can start to romanticise about the experience and it’s important to have a realistic approach for the more unfortunate and unexpected scenarios.
Returning after a gap isn’t always plain sailing as there will undoubtedly be some level of readjustment – work and university commitments just some of the changes which will be bring you back down to reality after an amazing trip. Before you jet off back home plan a post trip date and monthly weekends away to soften the lifestyle changes. And since you’ll no doubt have missed your family and friends invite them to a gap year dinner. A great opportunity to share and reminice about all your travel exploits, this will also be a chance to consider what you’ve learnt about yourselves as a couple and grow your relationship.
Dr Max Tookey is currently a Senior Lecturer in Organisational Behaviour and Psychology at the University of Greenwich. He has expertise in the areas of careers, the dark triad of organisational life and the psychology of leisure, and he has contributed to various national newspapers and magazines.
Written by: Acacia Sales and Marketing